Sanzo and the Trickster
by chiefraz
Summary: East meet West, Indies that is, when cultures cross and a certain monk is served a big hunk of humble pie


Sanzo and the Trickster  
Part 1: Running on Connecticut Time  
  
"Oh mon," Eleggua groaned. "To quote a certain rabbit, I should'a taken that left turn at Alburqurie." The dark skinned Orisha looked about the desolate countryside into which he'd materialized, to see nothing but sand, scrub oak and miles and miles of more sand and scrub oak. And one lonely road. A line of shimming asphalt that stretched from horizon east to horizon west.  
"Ok Papa Obatala," Eleggua sighed to the heavens. "You did tell me to take a vacation, but....but this ain't Mohegan Sun, so where I and what is is it that you want me to do?" After a few minutes of silence he began to tap his foot, "can we have a little divine intervention here?" Then, true to form, a car engine was then heard in the distance and yelling and gun shots and the sound of large paper fan making contact with a pair of thick craniums. "Aw crap," the trickster looked at the heavens again. "You gotta be kidding me, not them!?"  
"Yes them." Eleggua jumped, turned and found himself nostril deep in the full bosom of the Merciful Goddess. Several moments pass, "you can come up for air now." Several more moments pass, "I've got a dick to go with those tits."  
"Ok," the trickster jumped back. "I'm good. So why am I here? I'm on vacation and there is a suite reservation at Mohegan Sun that is so not gonna get held past 6:00 p.m. 2003 A.D. Connecticut time. Besides, Blondie and company is your gig, not mine.  
"I'm bored with just them," the goddess yawned. "I need to expand my cultural horizons and besides." She dug a piece of paper out her cleavage, "I gotta a note from your Boss to my Boss."  
"The Boss's writing notes to himself again." Eleggua took the note, materialized a pair of reading glasses onto his nose, read and then re-read the note a few times more. "Those aspects sure they wanna do this?"  
The Merciful Goddess shrugged, "hey if it were my say, you'd be slamming Mai Tai's and playing roulette in Connecticut, but it ain't. So, we make the best of this little exchange program; and by the way." The Goddess snapped her fingers and a massive wardrobe bag popped out of the either. "What are they wearing in Miami these days?"  
After a few regional fashion suggestions, a visitation from the Fab 5 and this millennium's hair do, the Merciful Goddess was off to South Florida and Eleggua was holding out his thumb to hitch a ride with Sanzo and Company. Provided he could get them to stop, which turned out to be not much of a problem. As the sight of a tall, Black man in a red Bermuda shorts, a palm frond skirt and a Hawaiian shirt thumbing a ride in the middle of central China was one to bring Jippu to a screeching halt.  
"Hi there," the Orisha called out in his most winning voice and smile. "Since there is no believable story I can come up with to explain moi and I just wanna make my 6:00 p.m. reservation, I'm gonna make this short. Eleggua's my name, trickster's my game and you guys are my assignment. So step lively and let's get this over with."  
He was answered by the crack of Sanzo's pistol and a bullet that neatly parted his hair.. "I don't think so punk," the blonde monk rasped.  
"Oooohhhh yeah," Eleggua clapped his hands and rocked too and fro on the balls of his feet. "We doing that 'Dirty Harry' shit huh? Ok Mr. High and Mighty Genjo Sanzo, you better ask yourself...do you feel lucky? Well, do ya punk?"  
And before Sanzo had a chance to either get off a snappy reply or another shot, he suddenly found himself sitting alone, in a small pool of light in the middle of a dark silent nothing. "Eleggua!" Yelled the irate monk scrambling to his feet.. "Where did you take me?! Where are the others? Come on out and lets get this over with right now!" He'd been reaching up the sleeve of his robe, franticly trying to find his pistol and coming up blank, when the Orisha, stepped into light.  
"Looking for this?" The pistol clattered at Sanzo's feet. "Empty I'm afraid. No chambered rounds and you're fresh out of ammo too so quit looking; chill out Sunshine, kick back and enjoy, because we got a few things to hash out. And as much as I hate clichés, we can do this the easy way.."  
The rest of the cliché was momentarily paused as Sanzo swung a punch at Eleggua's head and the crunch of fracturing bones took its place as the Orisha easily caught the fist and squeezed. "Hard way it is then." In pain the priest slumped to his knees, holding his broken hand to his chest and trying to keep from passing out from the pain.  
"LITTLE HUMAN!!!!!!" The orisha thundered drawing himself up tall and fierce. "I AM FATE, DIVINE AND UNSCRUTABLE. I AM JUSTICE, PURE AND UNCOMPRAMISING. I AM THE GOOD (a small child in a feathered hat carrying a basket of bread suddenly took his place) I AM BAD (his face took on a red cast as two small horns popped up from his forehead and a barbed tail curled down betwixt his legs) AND I AM THE UGLY (at which point Sanzo was looking up at an image of himself) ELEGGUA, ESU, LAROYE ARE ONLY A FEW OF THE WAYS MY PEOPLE KNOW ME! I AM HONORED FIRST TO CLEAR THE WAY AND HONORED LAST TO CLOSE SO NONE BUT THOSE INVITED MAY ENTER!"  
Bending quickly he snatched up Sanzo's chin between thumb and forefinger, bringing the monk's face within an inch of his. "I'm your best hope or your last despair," he whispered. "Your birth or...your long, painful death." And for the first time in a very long time, Genjo Sanzo felt a stab of fear in his belly.  
"I'm one of the Old Ones of Africa," Eleggua hissed. "Transplanted to the New World, I stand at the crossroads of time and space. I've seen too much, allowed the unthinkable to happen in the name of a brighter future for a people. Wept, because I could not explain to mothers whose babies were torn from their bosoms, husbands whose wives were violated before their eyes and children who were betrayed by their own all in the name of greed. I, WHO HAVE SEEN LIFE AND DEATH UNCOUNTED, AS CREATOR AND DESTORYER, YOU PRESUME TO ORDER ME AS YOU WOULD A LACKEY?! You insignificant piss ant, you bad tempered little nothing! How dare you try to treat me as you do those three creatures you travel with?!"  
The Orisha rocked backed on his heels, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Hmmmmm, the three you travel with." Then just as quick, he shrunk, the red shorts and Hawaiian shirt were back and Eleggua had a big smile. "We seem to think very highly of ourselves, don't we?" The dark skinned Saint asked rhetorically in the tone one takes with the sick or small idiot children. "Well, I tell you what, humility is the hallmark of a holy man. Your master Koumyou Sanzo was just such soul. Humble, loving, caring and thoughtful."  
"Bastard," Sanzo tried to rise but his anger fizzled in the sea of stars that glittered before his eyes and the wave of nausea that forced him back to his knees. "Don't you speak his name, you have no right."  
"Right?" Eleggua snorted. "Like you should really talk, white boy. Taking into account how much he loved you, took you in, gave you a life, then give his up for you and seeing how you repaid that sacrafice in the way you treat all around you. I think I'd have just as much right, if not more to say the name of Koumyou Sanzo. So, if this is the reason I'm here, then so be it. Genjo Sanzo," the Orisha solemnly proclaimed. "You've been brought before THE UNIVERSE to learn a lesson in humility, in being the lowest of the low and gain wisdom from it."  
"Been there, done that," the monk growled softly.  
"Oh no," the Eleggua beamed. "You were a blessed child compared to what I have in store for your sorry ass. And with that said, he squatted on his hams, took out of his pants pocket a cigar, a bottle of rum, a black and red candle and a rattle covered with cowries shells. At Sanzo's arched brow, the Orisha just shrugged. "You aren't the only one who cornered the market on duds that do the impossible."  
Lighting the candle, the Saint started to chant in Yorba,. Taking a big swig out off the rum, Eleggua swallowed half and the rest he blew into Sanzo's face. Cursing, the priest tried to jump back, but the Orisha, anticipating his wayward project would try to book, grabbed the squirming man by the ankle and dragged him back into the light. "Nope, you stay put kiddo," regarding Sanzo with a slightly annoyed look, Eleggua continued. "Considering we're on a different vibrational hum, just a foot off from Jipuu and a scooch off Center 'C', where did you think you were going.....Baka?"  
The third chant was in Chinese, a dialect Sanzo couldn't puzzle much of until one word caught his attention and his face turned as white as the cloud of cigar smoke Eleggua enveloped him in. Shaking the cowlie shell rattle, the dark skinned Orisha completed the chant and then clapped his hands three times. "Come forth little human," he commanded. "And let the lesson begin!" And when Eleggua blew away the smoke, Genjo Sanzo opened his eyes to find his hand no longer broken, but no longer his hand either. Then he recognized the clothes on his body.  
"How could you do this to me?!" He howled jumping up and down.  
The Saint looked skyward, or what would have been skyward, and mouthed the words "It's so GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD to be an Orisha." Then from out of the pocket of his Bermuda shorts he pulled out a big white fan. "Urusai, Baka Saru!" And let Son Goku have it across the back of the head.  
  
Notes:  
Eleggua is an Orisha (think being between saint and angel) from the Santeria religion. Santeria is a faith born of the Yorba gods of the country now known as Nigeria, Catholism and Cuban culture. He is the guardian of the door to the spirit world and is first one honored at ceremonies to open the door to allow the other Orisha entrance. He is also a trickster and is the essence of 'be careful of what you wish for."  
Mohegan Sun is a hotel and casino in Connecticut run by the Mohegan Indian Nation. A big tourist destination, it is known for its gambling and sporting events like boxing.  
The Fab 5, if you haven't seen 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy', what rock have you been under all summer? 


End file.
